Honesty

       I have struggle with depression since I was about 13 from what I can remember. It may have been earlier.  I have lived with this curse for about 23 years. Not fun at all! The bouts of the severity fluctuate frequently. I have tried many different medication regimens, therapy, inpatient treatment, outpatient treatment...you name it I have probably tried it. But only up until about 2 years ago have I decided to actually face my demons head on work on things. It has been a long journey, not easy by any means. Things have been at there worst lately, but I am waiting for the day when much of this is behind me.
     The past two weeks have been a living hell. I have not been able to get out of bed without completely forcing myself into it. My mind has been all over, I have been crying uncontrollable, sleeping 12-15 hours a day, having panic attacks, and thoughts of suicide. 
     My therapist and my psychiatrist have been amazing and helping me through this time. Both have encouraged me and concerned enough to recommend inpatient care again. My own pride and stubbornness has kept me from going. I know that I need more care at this time. Yesterday there were additions to my medications and today in therapy was encouraged to start a blog.
     This is a means to cope. This is a means to get everything out of my head and onto paper (computer).