Back to Work

It has been a long long time since I have written. The past few months have slipped by quickly.

I left Shoreline Recovery and returned to work October 5th. I was definitely still struggling, but felt I have come far along in my food journey to work outside the program with Dr. Welch, Barbara, and a dietitian. Although my therapist and director at Shoreline did not completely agree and felt I should stay longer, I had to go back to work. If I could have stayed without putting my job at risk I probably would have stayed. I knew that there was and is still more work on my journey to recovery. My eating had returned to a normal schedule, my hunger cues were present, and I felt like my mind was the only thing that played against me. I was determined though to go forward and never return to where I was.I left feeling half way ready and half way hesitant.

I returned to work. It was awkward at first to have everybody questioning where I had been. I was really good initially sticking to my meal plan. I would cook and pack the meals and snacks that I needed each day. I portioned everything and looked up recipes. Little by little that slipped away. I was eating but I wasn't as mindful of it and started missing snacks and meals. For a period of time I had no hunger. I tried and tried to force myself to eat. I would eat small things, but I just forgot at times.

Pushing myself I have gotten to where I am eating what I need to daily. I have been with a dietitian who has helped me with meals and the nutrients I need for my body. Most days I am not even worried about what I am eating- I just eat when I am hungry. My mind is my enemy. I have great days and then days when all I see is fat staring back at me, I feel uncomfortable in my skin, and I feel huge. So far I have been able to push through.

Work is going well. My mind is clear. The fogginess is gone. I have better concentration. I feel good.