Happy Birthday Knew

Today is Knewenle's birthday, well it would have been her birthday. I am reminded of how much she lived life to it's fullest. I am confused by my emotions. Maybe it is time, or maybe I am cold hearted - but that painful awful sadness isn't with me today. I remember last year how much of a melancholic day it was. How I held back tears realizing this was one of the first big milestone memories- that she was not alive anymore. Although today I don't feel. It is not that I am not sad. I just have no exact emotion. A few friends were trying to get together like we did last year... but I have no desire. One, I just don't want to see anyone, and another, I don' t feel like I need to spend this time with people that on any other occasion I wouldn't normally see. Don't get me wrong. I miss my friend. I wish that she was here. I wish that we could spend hours watching TV and napping. There just isn't any real heart wrenching sadness in this moment. There is sadness, but not pain.