Kevin and I were walking to get Nektar the other night. Nektar is one of my favorite juice spots. As we were walking Kevin sees Rubios and Applebees- he points out... "Remember when we tried to go there to eat and you had such a hard time that we had to leave."
It all came rushing back... how I used to react to going out to eat in the midst of my eating disorder. I remember clearly standing in Rubios staring at the menu over and over again. My anxiety was so high and all I could think of was what this food was going to do to my body. How many calories? How much weight I would gain. The racing thoughts that were going on in my head until I couldn't stand it any longer and we had to leave.
Applebees gives me the same memories. I stood there, not even getting a table yet, and reviewed the menu front to back multiple times. I was so fearful of food. Tears streamed down my face as it was too difficult to even think about ordering food or eating. My bod was hungry but my mind was so sick that I couldn't get past the words on the page. All I saw was fat!
Memories like this come and go. But this reminds me of how far I have come. I still have challenges at times, but nothing like it was a couple of years ago. I couldn't go out to eat at all a couple of years ago. A restaurant or a simple menu couldn't be tolerated without panic attacks and tears!
Things definitely look so different these days. I have so much to be thankful for!
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