Here we go again

I can’t breathe. My chest is in knots. I can’t hold down food. I am crying uncontrollably. Why is this happening again. I have been fine for months. Then this past Thursday night hit me like a truck. I am depressed. I am anxious. I feel like hell. No one can help me. I pray. I listen to music. I count my blessings. I can’t manage work. I have to leave. I have no ue how I got home on my 1hour 15 min drive. Autopilot. So angry. Come home and no chores are done. Cats dont have food. I needed an oil change that was promised to me by my husband. All i want to do is sleep. But my mind is racing. I take my meds, more meds…when will this stop. Finally yesterday i slept for 20 hours. Woke up in a panic. Called my therapist. Called my doctor. Trying yo get back on my anxiety meds. All i do is cry. I can’t stop because we leave tomorrow for our trip. I dont even want to go. I miss California. I miss my church. I miss my supports. I hate it here. I hate the amount of responsibility. I hate that I dont get to spend time with my husband or friends. I am stressed financially. I am worried about my dad. I miss my mom. I am fat. I am scared. I dont want to be aine, but i am. In my thoughts in my spirit. I am trapped in my head. Trapped in bad thoughts. Please make it stop.