I have been meaning to write down in detail what happened Sunday march 13 2022. It is important, but I am having a difficult time wanting to write it down. Maybe because I want the memory to go away, maybe I am pretending that nothing happened, or maybe it is fear.
Sunday was a normal day. Kevin and I went to church, went to eat lunch with friends, and had a lazy afternoon. We had dinner at our house with friends. My besties kiddos wanted to spend the night, and of course we said yes. It was shortly after dinner that Kevin disappeared into the bedroom. I was chatting and didn't notice he had left. Later when I walked through out bedroom I noticed he was doing a breathing treatment. I asked if he a was okay. He said yes, but that his breathing was off. Kevin had been to the PCP two days ago to get checked out and get refills for his inhalers. He had been out of one inhaler for 5 days. The PCP had refilled it, but Kevin had not picked it up yet. I got onto him for this, but it is what it is. I had already forced/pushed/made him schedule the appointment with the PCP.
Kevin was still doing breathing treatments when I went to bed. He said he was okay. I laid down in the back bedroom with my friends daughter. My friends son was in the living room playing video games. I woke up to the little boy telling me that Kevin needed me and he couldn't breath. I rushed to our bedroom and Kevin was on his knees, still trying to do more breathing treatments. He quietly said, "I think I need to go to the emergency room." Terrified, because he does not ask to ever go to any medical place, I called my best friend, shuffled the kids back to their house, and grabbed Kevin helping him into the car.
Kevin was alert. He was having a very hard time breathing and catching his breath. I had no clue to what extent the level of or lack there of, breathing. I started to speed. I asked Kevin if he needed me to drive faster. He looked at me, but did not say anything. Realizing that it was difficult for him to talk I asked him to raise his hand if he needed me to drive faster. After seeing his distress I just stepped on the gas to get to the ER. I missed the turn! I missed the next turn! I was so disoriented and worried. Plus I have only been to the ER in this town one other time. I flipped a U turn and made it back to the street I needed. As I pulled up to the ER I parked right outside of the glass double doors. I ran into the first set of doors. The second set was locked. I pressed on the bell multiple times and no one came to the door. I started to bang on the door, but no one answered. Kevin made it to me but could barely stand. He was trying to get air. I immediately called 911. I could not hear anyone on the other end. I ran outside of the doors. there I noticed I was at the ambulance entrance. Holy FUCK! Why is this so challenging. I hate this city. I don't know where anything is and I need help. My phone rang back, it was a 911 operator. She spoke and then cut out. then I realized that I had left my car on and the phone call was using my blue tooth to receive the call inside of my car. This is why I couldn't hear anything. I quickly changed it over. I began to cry that I needed help. That Kevin could not breath and I could not get into the ER. She asked me where I was. She told me there is another entrance a little further down. I began to run in that direction. I yelled that I needed help. The receptionist saw me and I yelled that my husband was at the ambulance entrance. I ran back over to the ambulance entrance to find Kevin on the ground and ER staff pulling him into the emergency room. My heart stopped. They would not let me in. I returned to the main entrance. The woman there gathered some information and asked me to wait for the Doctor to come and talk to me. She asked about medical problems, allergies, the medications he was on...It is a good thing that Kevin only has asthma and that I am aware of his meds. I sat on the chair crying uncontrollably.
I texted my close friends to start praying. It was after 11:00 pm. One of my friends texted back and asked where I was. I told her the ER. She said she was coming. This was such a sacrificial act and so thoughtful, but I wanted to be alone. She arrived. I was sobbing. She sat with me and held my hand. I told her she could leave, but she said she was staying.
The doctor finally came out. He sat down and told me that Kevin had stopped breathing. He said he was a dark blue and they could not find a pulse initially. They completed 5 minutes of CPR. When they got a pulse they immediately put him on a ventilator. He was unconscious. I lost it. What the hell! What is going on! I can not do this. I can not lose someone else. Through tears I asked the doctor if he would be okay. The doctor would not tell me yes. He said "I can not say anything for sure at this time." He said they were running tests, but that I could go to be with him soon. I had so many questions, but no real answers. I had no clue it was this bad, no idea this severe.
I began to pray. I texted everyone I could think of to start praying. My initial reaction was to call my mom. But I can't! She is gone. Who do I call? I only wanted to talk to my mom. My sister called immediately after I sent her the text. Honestly, I was not expecting this. She cried with me on the phone and did her best to encourage me. She was sympathetic and I could feel that she was in pain for me too. I got off the phone when they came and got me to go back to the room Kevin was in.
Shock! Tubes, ventilators, machines, and Kevin's unconscious body. He made no movement. I felt crushed. I continued to pray. I knew God was with me and I knew he was not going to take Kevin from me yet. Still I was scared, still I was a mess. I put worship music on my phone and laid it by Kevin's ear. All I could do was listen to Gods promises through worship, hold Kevin's hand, and kiss his forehead. My mind raced, yet I felt peace and God's presence. After waiting for what seemed forever, the Doctor returned. He said that they needed to transfer Kevin to an ICU that had neurology available. I continued to ask if Kevin was going to be okay, but the doctor could not answer me.
Kevin was sent by ambulance to Deaconess Midtown. He had to go through the ER again before admitting to ICU. They would not let me ride with him in the ambulance. I wanted to go alone. My friend that was with me told me she was taking me. I understood that this was for the best as far as safety and my state of mind, but I wanted to be alone. Now, I work at Midtown but have never gone in after hours. The entrance I normally use was locked. I had no clue where the ER entrance was. I felt panicked and overwhelmed. Finally in the ER and no one is there. Not a receptionist or staff. There was a security guard and I explained the situation .They stated they would let someone know. I waited and waited. Lani called and talked to be around 3:00 am. We spoke briefly. It was exactly what I needed. The RN called and let me know I could go back. I did and Kevin looked the same. On machines and no arousal. Soon from there he was taken to the ICU. They let me ride up in the elevator with Kevin and then I had to wait in another waiting room. I was exhausted. No more tears. I couldn't even think straight. I sat for about an hour. I finally fell asleep on the waiting room couch. I awoke to the Doctor letting me know that I would be able to go back soon. There was not much of a clearer update, but I was thankful to be able to go see Kevin.
I walked in. Kevin was lying there. His nurse was sweet and helpful. I still had no clue what to make of anything with no answers. I continued to pray and send out messages asking for prayer. I talked to my sister some. Cheyenne came out and switched with Jess around 7:00 in the morning. I was grateful to have her there. I felt bad that anyone was having to be there with me. There was nothing anyone could do but sit and wait. The new RN came in and was wonderful. They stated that they were going to see how Kevin was doing and try to extubate him tomorrow. They were going to reduce the sedation to see if Kevin could wake up or respond to anything. After a couple of hours Kevin began to respond to pain. He would make noises as the RN would try to take blood from his hand and make noises randomly. He was able to squeeze my hand. this gave me such a sense of peace! As time past Kevin would open his eyes and motion angrily towards the vent and his catheter. I would try to explain what was happening. He was so loopy he did not understand what I was saying or comprehending anything. I tried to give him his phone to see if he could text me what he was saying. His fingers and hands were too floppy to work his phone. I could see his frustration, but there was nothing I could do. I then had him try to spell out in the air what he was wanting. It was of very little help. I guessed a few things, but was not able to completely understand every word. I know he was angry about the vent and wanted the tube out. He also would point to the urine catheter and make demands to have it taken out.
They were able to remove the tube soon after all of this. Kevin tried to talk immediately. The RN asked him to try not to talk, but Kevin did not understand and was still so medicated. He was raspy and coughing. He asked the same 4 questions over and over again for hours. He asked what happened? Where was he? How he got to Evansville when he went to Henderson ER? and Why he had a catheter? The first like 5 times I responded with the entire story. After the 5th time or so I realized that he was not retaining anything I said, so I just stopped and told him he fell.
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