Confessions

 Confession, 

I am miserable.

I came home Thursday night to a sleeping husband. It is trash night. Here I am at 11:00 at night taking the trash out, again. I am pissed. I can’t even look at him. I sleep on the couch because I don’t want to hear him at all. This is so fucking annoying. He didn’t work today, he is not in school, and I still have to come home after a 12 our day and do shit that has to be completed. I put dishes away and cleaned up.

I starved myself for a week and abused my body all because I was going to be weighed at my doctor’s appointment yesterday. The doctor had to cancel my appointment at the last minute, so this was all for nothing. .

I suck. I want something, something more than the relationship that I have. I want to feel valued and important. I want the attention I want. I am not getting that at all right now. I fucking have to do everything! So I knowingly cringing inside text the man I used to work with. Stupid shit. He responds. But not how I want. Basic catching up. That is it. Fail. I am glad that he had boundaries in this moment because I did not. I wanted him to tell me how he desired me. I wanted to hear that he was still in  love with me.

I want to have sex with a stranger.