Cancer

I don’t know whether to cry or be angry. Yesterday Kevin was diagnosed with prostate cancer, but he did not tell me until today! I could punch him for how he told me- and the laughing that cane with it. I am pissed because over a month ago his doctor told him to come in for abnormal labs. Kevin had just started at Toyota and would not miss a day to follow up with the doctor. I was worried, but he kept saying it was fine. Ao yesterday he finally got to his check up. 

Today I get a text saying “call me when you can.” I call him and he tells me he has prostate cancer. I begin to tear up. My heart sinks. I cannot cope with another huge loss. Kevin is non chelaunte about it. Or that is how he is coping. He laughs here and there. It angers me. I can’t imagine hearing the news alone like he did. I know everyone has their own way of processing. He found out yesterday and it was enough for him to call off work today. I just don’t know why he waited so long to tell me. He told his mom and son’s yesterday, but not me. I can’t really be angry at him because I have no clue where his head space was. 

So now we wait. In one week he foes in for a biopsy and bone scan. I know God is in control, but why?!! I feel like the last year has been a whirlwind of trauma. Mom dying, Kevin almost dying in March, dad was in the ER Monday, my aunt died in May, and now this news!! What is God trying to teach me? I am trying to not be worried or scared. But it is hard.