Silence

​Silence

I fall apart in silence,
gather the pieces,
and return
as if nothing ever happened

 

It is easier to say,
"I'm fine,"
than explain the weight of existing

A silent fear in every breath

 

So I show up when I am breaking
I smile when expected,
answer the questions,
finish the tasks

 

I am so tired, exhausted,
not in the way sleep can fix,
but in the way winter exhausts a tree,
stripping it bare, season after season

 

I can barely recognize myself
I search for traces
of the person I used to be

or perhaps
the person I was expected to become

 

The pain lingers,

It waits for me at home,

In quiet spaces,

In empty parking lots,

In the drive home

 

I sit behind the wheel,
I begin to sob

The sound of it,
the sound of me,
is terrifying

 

Too ashamed to speak
Too afraid to burden anyone

Wanting it all to end

Please, God,
make this stop