Maybe She Can be a Support?

 January 20

It is getting to me. I am so disconnected. I am alone. No one can fill this void. I talk to my therapist. She brings up that I should ask my sister about our homecoming days. Call her. Maybe she can be a support? I am prepped with my therapists reasoning and rationale voice,  "Don't get your expectations too high." 

I texted my sister to ask her what her homecoming day was. I couldn't bring myself to call. I have been too emotional. "I know it is in May, but I don't remember the date." Growing up we celebrated as a family, but as we have grown up- it is really just my parents who express their love on our homecoming days. I have never reached out to my sister nor has she reached out to me. I am searching for something. Connection maybe? Someone else who can share in the same feelings about these adoption homecoming days. I am scared to call, so I text. It is easier that way. I ask my sister about her day. She replies that she can't really remember the exact date. I ask if mom called her and still made notice of her homecoming day. She stated yes, my mom would always reach out. She herself texted that she has lost track of her homecoming day. That is it. My sister asks me my homecoming day and I tell her the 19th, yesterday. She sends a smiley face emoji. End of texting. I didn't have my hopes too high for this to be some amazing thing we could bond over and support each other in. She doesn't really do much sentimental, never has. Why are things so important to me and not to her. I will never have the same homecoming day feelings. It is gone.