Week 5

2/8

Group went well. There was triggering topics but I held it together. I couldn’t finish my dinner. I was just too overwhelmed. I talked to Julia for a bit about the past week and food. I should have written right after group because not my recall is bad. When I got home I just broke down.

2/9

Group tonight was difficult. I didn't go to work today. I just couldn't get out of bed. I slept all day. I did go to group tonoght. I sat down and immediately had a panic attack. It was rough. It lasted about 12 minutes until i was completely calm. I just feel down. I am scared because I don't want this to be another big dip in my emotions. I can't handle it. I just cried and cried. Embarrassing but I did receive support. I couldn't eat. My stomach was flip flopping. I am still very fearful of gaining weight. I haven't told anyone but I have been using laxatives. Partially because my digestive system isn't working well so I am afraid that everything I eat is just sitting. I am just battling my mind. Just not in a good place right now. 

 

2/10

I got to group late and sat down. I was feeling very emotional and anxious. I broke. I had a full on panic attack. This lasted about 15 minutes. I met with Golie and discussed how my food intake has been. I became tearful and anxious again. I went for a walk outside with Veronica. Dinner was hard. I at barely anything.

2/11

Tonight was not so good. The discussion tonight had a lot to do with sexual trauma. Some of the girls spoke openly about this and I hated it. My stomach turned, I felt disgusting and gross, and got super emotional. I left and sat with Veronica for a bit. I just cried and cried. Dinner actually went ok and the last part of group went fine.