Nothing out of the ordinary
Day 12
There was a lot of trauma discussed in group. All the other 3 members of the group shared openly about their sexual abuse. I could identify but was not about to talk about it. one of the girls has a lot of similar reactions to sex as I do. It was very triggering and I was happy to leave group and go home.
Day 13
last night was terrible. I felt fine going into group. I was doing okay until dinner. I sat down and all of the sudden I just started crying. it wasn't anxiety at all. I just couldn't eat- but that really wasn't the problem at least I don't think. The food didn't scare me. I was nervous but I was nervous all day. I had to walk out. I gathered myself and was able to go back in. I still couldn't eat. We went back to processing group and the therapist asks how dinner was for everyone and if anything came up during that time. She asked me and I just burst out into tears. then I started panicking. I couldn't pin point anything that was wrong. I wasn't depressed or tired. I felt like I was crying forever. I finally was able to get grounded with help from the therapist. it was super embarrassing because this was in front of everybody.
So I was thinking today about what happened. I know the day before there was a lot of trauma talk. I didn't talk but listening to others even though it was not in specifics still made me remember things that I never want to remember. But tat had been the day before. I don't understand how that could play into today so intensely. The only other things that happened before group yesterday was guilt from eating a sandwich with bread- which I never do, but I was hungry. After work I drove to Pasadena for some tests to see if I can have children. These things seemed very mild to me and were not ruminating. I don't know how I can just have a melt down with nothing wrong.
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