Playing House

have been helping my friend this week as she had surgery and has not been able to be up to care for her kiddos. She and her husband were gone Monday and Tuesday and I had the kids alone. Now they are home, but my friend is pretty confined to her bed, so I am still helping a lot. So I have a 5 year old and twin 2 year olds that I am helping with. I am getting up by 6, making breakfast, taking to school, entertaining, nap time, picking up from school, taking to dance class, laundry, making dinner, bath time, putting to bed, getting up in the night with babies..etc. Basically being a mommy to these kids and although not always easy, I am enjoying it. I am good at it, I love routine, I love cooking, and feel like all the things in being a mom is my purpose. So with that, it has also been very hard emotionally to realize that this will never be my story. 

I have also watched my friend prepare her kids for her being away at the hospital/surgery, in a kid friendly way, to help prepare them for both she and their dad being gone. The little girl is exactly the same age I was when my mom started getting sick. My friend explained several times what the days were going to look like, that mommy was going to be okay, and how she may look when she got home. She told them it was okay to be sad and scared, but that they were safe. And now that my friend is back home, watching her sensitivity with her kids and explaining to them that mommy is okay and has owies. She allows them to ask questions and validates their feelings. It makes me sad that I did not have this. And it is okay, there wasn 't an option for me to have this as my parents left in an emergent manner. And I know this is a completely different situation, but it still makes me sad. 

One positive thing i suppose was that when tbe 5 year old was having meltdowns and crying which seemed to be over nothing, I was able to put myself in her shoes and understand the worry that goes on in a 5 year olds brain about parents being gone, fear of what is happening, fear in going to bed at night without her mom and dad being there. I knew that her meltdowns were not because she was tired of being a brat, but she didn't know any other way to navigate her emotions or fear and the unknown. 

And none of this seems fair