Crawling Out of my Skin

As a therapist I always tell my clients to be ready for some more intense emotions and experiences after a challenging session. I know this for myself as well. After my session today, I thought I was okay. 

I went downstairs and made dinner for everyone and got everyone at the table to eat. I was feeling pretty cathartic. I felt exhausted, tired, and on edge. Which are all pretty normal for me. At home I can just escape into my room. I sat down with everyone at the table. my stomach was in knots. I had no appetite and continued to feel very nauseous. My anxiety started to build and I began to panic. I could feel tears coming and I was crawling out of my skin. I felt like I had to escape. My friend's parents were also there, so I told my friend I needed to get out for a bit. I needed to run to the store to grab a few things. As I started to drive I felt a squeamish feeling in my body and yucky sensations running through me that made me have to twist my neck and adjust to make them go away. like shivers going down my spine.  my head began to pound and my visions felt blurry. I had to pull over the car. I was so shaky. I was holding back tears, but got out of the car to get fresh air. I felt like I was going to vomit. I would start to gag and then panic again. I smoked a cigarette that for a moment decreased my nerves. I got to the store and felt  like I was blindly walking around. Sounds were too much, and there were too many people. I felt like I had to escape. Back in the car I had chest pain. I am feeling everything too much all over. I was gagging to keep from throwing up. I have been urinating very frequently. which i know can be a trauma response. I kept breaking into tears, but would stop myself. I got back to the house. I felt like I couldn't breathe. The panic was back. I took a xanax, which again i try to not do, but i didn't know what else to do.  I have hardly been able to eat all day. I forced myself to have some avocado, an orange, and some peanut butter. it all feels so present and happening to my body now- at least the body memories. 

I did realize that there could be other factors playing into my dreams and body sensations. I drop off and pick up this little girl off at the same school I attended. and in driving to the store tonight I realized i am driving on the exact same roads that I used to when I lived in this area. I actually had to pass the street that the boy from 10th grade lived on in high school. I don't know that this is a factor at all , but could definitely be playing a part in my subconscious. 

I just have never felt so many things all at one time. my mind is racing, i feel like shit physically, and insides are a mess and I feel very dysregulated. I just want  it all to stop. a couple symptoms I can deal with, but not all of this. It feels debilitating and honestly quite scary.