I woke up this morning crying uncontrollably. I was done. I made a choice that I was going to commit suicide. That was all that gave me some relief. Kevin called Barbara to let her know what was going on. I was curled up in the bed wailing. Barbara and Kevin agreed, well determined that I needed to be hospitalized. I freaked out, but I couldn't keep myself safe. Kevin couldn't keep me safe. I was admitted to Aurora Charter Oaks. IT was both the best and the worst experience. The positive is that I was safe. The downside/embarrassment was feeling stupid, missing work, being 34 and still I am struggling. Kevin was wonderful and was there for every visit. Kristyn, Dorina, and Peyton came to visit and I was called daily by my friends, who hadn't had a clue how I had been doing pre-hospitalization. Sean, Cheyenne, Kristyn, Dorina, Kevin, and Julianne all called while I was there, multiple times. At times I didn't take phone calls, but I came to the realization that I have amazing. The care that they displayed was beyond my belief. I started to feel better and asked the Dr. if I could go home (this was the 3rd day). He wanted me to stay another 3 days. I couldn't. I needed, or felt I needed to get back to my normal routine and work. I couldn't miss any more work.
Under disapproval, I left AMA. I could not stay in there anymore. I came home and rested and then got up the next day and went to work.
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