Two days after being hospitalized Barbara asked if I would be okay with meeting with her, Dr. Welch together. I agreed. I was very nervous. I walked in with Kevin. It felt like an intervention TV show. Basically the recommendation from them was that I needed to go into treatment for my eating disorder. I disagreed, but it felt like an ultimatum. I understand the importance of being healthy, but it felt like they were saying "you have to do this or we will not work with you." This is a little dramatic, but I felt like it was do this or there is nothing else they can do. I realize and agree with them that the eating disorder is like an umbrella covering and too extreme to work on the symptoms of depression and anxiety.
I was pissed. I felt rejected. I feared that I had just lost the support of my mental health providers. My trust started to diminish. My walls went immediately went up. I just agreed. I left with Kevin. Once I got outdoors I broke. This was all too much to take (with my negative thoughts) to feel left alone, abandoned, and forced. Barbara walked out while I was crying. She reassured me that she wasn't going anywhere. That she was going to be there to support me, I was still going to see her, and she told me she wasn't rejecting me. This gave me reassurance and some peace. I had a lot to think about.
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