I didn't work today. I was sitting at the Doctors office just waiting. I am not sure what prompted me to text my friend, but I did. After our conversation I am pretty sure it was quietly directed by God. I sent a text to my friend I have known the longest in life. I have known her since I was about 9 years old. She is one of my best and closest friends. Time gets away from us, but whenever we get a chance to chat it is like time has not past. We live in different states and we don't get to see each other but about once every couple of years. We lived in the same city (a mile away from each other) growing up and went to college together. Since college we have never lived in the same area. I last got to see her this past December, but only for one day as she was passing through L.A.
My friend responded to my text right away. This never happens. We go hours and sadly sometimes days before we respond. Today the text came through within a minute. "This is perfect timing. I sure would like to talk today." I knew something was wrong. Although we love to talk it is never something we get to quickly. I called after I got out of my appointment.
Turns out my friend is going through a very difficult time. The season of depression that I had just gotten out of, she was in the midst of. I listened as my friend cried and explained several things that are just incredibly overwhelming for her and feeling like doors are closing all over. My friend felt so much shame as she talked to me. She is a licensed therapist and to her this was too embarrassing. Listening, everything did appear incredibly difficult: finances, work, relationships, and family. Things were legitimately bad. Like her I understood exactly where she was. She was lonely, she was isolating herself, she had no energy, she couldn't sleep, she was ashamed to talk to anyone, depression/sadness was lingering, and getting to work was just one task that was hard.
I enjoyed talking with her and was soon able to validate her feelings, distract her in conversation, and make her laugh. Part of my wanted to just open up and spill all of what I had been going through and what challenges I am facing daily, but I couldn't. I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. Speaking my feelings is one of the hardest things to do. I know she would listen and I know she would care and support me like I do for her.
The words never came. They have never come easily. I remember growing up multiple times my friend telling me that our friendship was unbalanced. She struggled with the fact that she would share her trials and joys but I couldn't. She struggled that I was there for her and supported her, but I would not let her do the same. This is not the only friend who has brought this to my attention. I can't explain why it is so difficult. I trust her completely. I guess there is quite a bit of shame on my part.
Part of my distraction was asking her several questions about her therapy; techniques, styles, beliefs, or some of the cases she had seen. She is an eating disorder therapist which although I was sincerely interested, I was attempting to get some insight for myself. My friend shared some incredible things. The way she talked about the relationship with food, body, and mind brought new insight to my thoughts. The main thing that stuck out with me is the need to give oneself grace and forgiveness. Something I feel incapable of doing. The exposure therapy she practiced seemed terrifying, something I could never do as a client. I would never be able to eat french fires in front of anyone! And I would definitely NEVER be able to step on a scale in front of anyone!
I looked down at my phone and 2 hours had passed! Time had flown and by now there were no more tears and laughter sounded from my friend. It was so refreshing to talk to her. It is refreshing to know that we are all human and we all walk through periods of darkness. Believe me, it was incredibly sad to hear my friend hurting but something through our conversation lifted her spirits.
I got off the phone and reflected on how our chatting came into play today. I would like to think that it "just happened." I believe, well I feel like this specific time was orchestrated by God. Never have we had this long to talk, the same day off, or a schedule that allows one of us to pick up the phone within the first couple of rings. It is a reminder of His perfect timing. It is a reminder that He can use people, (it's hard to say "me") to be an encouragement to others. Three weeks ago I would have never been able to have this conversation. I was barely keeping myself together. It's pretty shitty that I don't even think or see God during periods of times. Today was a neat indication that God is there and He can use anyone ("me") no matter the circumstance.
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